There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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