you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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