I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
