Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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