I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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