It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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