Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
