She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
