just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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