I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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