so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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