I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
