I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
worst night to have a conscience
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
