i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
