My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
