I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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