I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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