I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
