let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
this hospital has no fireball
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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