Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
