Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
BRING THE BAGELS
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
