we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
