my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
