i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
