Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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