I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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