Only a mothe r could love this liver
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
