I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
