i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
