I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
