I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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