bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
