McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
