ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
