listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
