I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
