We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
