how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
