it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
