and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize