yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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