Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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