I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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