I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize