I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
