I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
