can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
