and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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