Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
