Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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