I accidentally had phone sex last night
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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