he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
