I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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