Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
