My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
