I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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