Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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