That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
