Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
my liver is dry heaving
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