I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize