girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
