stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
