I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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