I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize