i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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