oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize
